How does this work?

Over the last several months, we frequently get asked where we are at in the adoption process. Due to privacy and the delicate nature of many encounters we have with birth moms, we are often not allowed to say where we are at and what is going on. But I wanted to give you an insight into what we are doing, and how the process works.

For us, most of our work is already done. we went through the Home Study process, where the adoption agency analyzes and interviews our family and our living situation to make sure that we are capable of adopting. This includes looking into our family structure, extended family, financial information, even our medical health. All of these are considered before we are approved to adopt.

After this, we prepare a family book. This is kind of like a dating profile. It shows some pictures of our family, the things we like to do, etc. It goes into the hands of birth parents, and it gives them some insight into who we are and the kind of life we live. This is the first contact a birth mom will have with our family.

After that, we wait.

When a birth mom chooses to adopt, her generic profile is sent to all birth parents in the program. The identity of the birth mom is anonymous, but the families are given information about why the birth mom is choosing to adopt, risk factors like drug use or medical history, or other variables that might need to be considered, such as chronic illness or legal risk. From this description, a family chooses whether or not a birth mom will be allowed to look at their family book.

Since we have been in the program, we have seen over a dozen birth parent profiles. Only once did we decline to have our book shown. The only reason we declined was because we didn't feel like our family was equipped for that particular adoption situation.

Once the birth mom has all of the approved family books, she will pick her family from these books, or she might pick families she is interested in meeting. She might pick one, she might pick three, she might pick as many as she wants. From there, the agency sets up an interview with the families selected, and they meet face to face. This helps the birth mom make a more informed decision. After that, she picks the family she wants. This could take a couple days, or a couple weeks; the only timeline that seems to affect the expediency of the decision is when the baby is born.

So at this point, a lot of what happens is out of our hands.

So we wait.

One thing that I truly do appreciate about this process is that both the adopting family and the birth family choose each other. I have to approve whether or not a birth mom can look at my book, and she has to choose my family to adopt her baby. We choose each other.

I am reminded of a newer song by Sara Bareilles. The song is about a romantic relationship, but I think the chorus really speaks to the beauty of this adoption process:

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you.
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you.

My hope is that whoever is out there that chooses our family to adopt their baby will recognize that they are a part of our family. As they choose us, we choose them.

So there you go.  Please continue to pray for our family as we view this time as preparation for what is to come. As we wait, we know God is moving for us to choose this wonderful mom who will choose us in return.