When Jayson and I started this adoption journey I began scouring the internet looking for adoption blogs. I would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning reading every post on any blog I could find. One thing that I felt was "missing" was details on the process. I knew that it probably had to do with the fact that each agency does things a little differently so it probably didn't make sense to share how each one did it. But I still wanted to know something!! So I decided that as I was writing our blog, I would be open and honest about the whole process so that maybe some one else who was considering the journey would have some sort of framework to go off of. This hasn't been particularly hard for me since I have often been described as being "born with out a filter". There isn't much that I leave unsaid :). (I am working on this particular character trait.) So if there are weeks without a post, you can read that as weeks of nothing for us. I try to highlight the main events :).
Let me back up to about 3 weeks ago. We received an email from the
director of our agency saying that they were requiring all the families
in our program to come in for a meeting because there were going to be
some really good changes that we needed to talk about. I asked my sister
to pray with me and Jayson over this. That God would make it abundantly
clear which route we were to take, adopt via the agency or hope to be found via word of mouth. The day before the meeting, our social worker called and said that because we were going to be meeting for our second meeting and we weren't officially in the program yet, she would just do our training at our second meeting. So the fizzle kind of went out of our anticipation in our prayer, so to speak.
As we began talking with friends and family and looking into all of our options with adoption, we began to lean more towards trying to market ourselves and hope for a birth mom to hear about us through an attorney or word of mouth. In fact we had decided on that. We could figure out how to come up with the money for that route. On the way to our meeting tonight Jayson and I had decided that we would just let them know that we would not be paying the program fee at this time. We were going to explore our other options and just continue to save as we searched on our own.
I always get really anxious on the way to these meetings. I am not really sure why, but I do. So we headed into our meeting with our plan in mind, on the same page. As we sat in the meeting and listened to how the program was changing and how our role in the process would increase, I felt God speaking to my heart that this is where we would meet our birth mom. This was the route He wanted us to take. He wasn't worried about the money. My response to this prompting was "Ok, God. If this is what you really want, and it isn't just my emotions, you have to tell Jayson." We sat and went over that giant stack of paperwork that I posted a picture of in my last post. Our social worker kept saying things like "most people aren't as open to as much as you two are" and "you guys are really open to different scenarios". I felt that we had been rather closed off so I thought this was interesting. She also said that birth moms often place with teachers during the summer time because they are home for the summer. I couldn't help myself from getting excited that these might help us to be placed sooner. One of the changes to the program is a sort of pay as you go plan. So as we reach each milestone in the process (entrance into the program, matched, placement) we have a portion of the payment due. I don't know why, but this made it feel more manageable even though the dollar amount is the same.
As we left the meeting, we decided to stop and grab something for dinner. As we sat in the restaurant I tried to figure out how to tell Jayson what I was feeling. Jayson, being his usual straightforward self, looked at me and said "I feel comfortable going through the agency." And then went back to inhaling his enormous burrito. I just stared at him with tears in my eyes. He attributed them to something spicy in my food. But it was my awe at God and that he had spoken the same words into both of our hearts. I don't know why it still takes me by complete surprise when God is active in our lives. I know it in my head, and I profess to believe that He is, but I am always dumbfounded when my eyes are open enough to see it.
I am aware that this blog has been quite melodramatic thus far. I am truly sorry. I try to update as things happen and each time they do I am completely blown away by God's presence in this journey. Again, I know that sounds stupid. Of course He is present!! I talk to Him about my family and everything involved in it every day. I am sort of embarrassed to admit that I am shocked when I realize His movement in our lives.
So now, we have one more visit to go and our home visit. Our home study document is already partially done and we are really hoping that it will be complete by the beginning of March!! We are planning a couple of bigger fundraisers one of them being a walk/run 5k. If you are interested in participating please message me and let me know :). Also, if you have done this before, or know of a good way to go about it, please message Jayson or me that info! There will be a shirt involved so that is exciting!
Please continue to pray for us! Please also pray for our birth mother and baby. I read this blog post and it just made it all the more real to me that this woman, where ever she is, needs our prayers. Because like the blogger says, there is only love when a woman chooses adoption for her baby. I believe it is for this woman, along with the baby, that God is asking us to adopt via domestic infant adoption. Thank you all for your kind words and excitement, we are loving sharing this journey with you!!
~Andrea
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